I cannot say it is this thing or that thing. While I try to think of words I can say she breaks my thought.“Was it the way he smelled?” she asks. ...��His attitude? Did you look at his car?”I shrug; these were a part, though only small, but what are right words? “I know,” is all I can at last say. “It was not right.”“Just instinct then?”I ask her what is instinct, and she explains that it is feeling of animals that leads them to act without thinking. I know men may do in this way too, my reasons. It was decked out in all its Christmas finery. How had I hung those lights? I’d always needed Ginny’s help to do them. Where had I found the crèche that Ginny’s mother had as a little girl? All the lights on the tree were blinking. I must have spent hours finding burned out bulbs, when had I found the time, or the energy? I know I’d done it, but the doing was vague, distant. All our married life, my one job was to hang the lights, outside and on the tree. Could I have done all this? I know. Zack was only a few feet back. He visibly focused on breathing- on calming down.And that scared her more than the anger. Punishments that were thought out were always infinitely worse than acts committed in the heat of the moment.Her frightened eyes met Sawyer's for an instant before she focused on the floor. Before a song started automatically in her head and everything became slightly more... remote."Zack," said Sawyer. He stood and grasped his friend's shoulder. "Dude. It's fine. If she. Shecalled and talked to the answering machine apologizingthat she would not be there to feed him on time. When she had hung up her closest workers made light ofhow Mindy had a lover. She emphatically denied it ofcourse although she knew better then to tell them whoit was. She even stopped by the grocer and picked uphis favorite steak, which meant she would be eatingsteak sandwiches for the rest of the week. Her husband watched their expenditures like a hawk anddid not approve of even canned.
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