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He couldn’t afford to stay here anyway. There was nowhere cheaper to rent in the locality – heaven knew he had tried to find something. And he cou...dn’t move. He would never get a permit for another locality. He’d watched as one of his friends had filled in a locality change application at the interview centre last week. The interviewer had taken one look at it and then, as the man had left, James had watched it being dropped into a waste bin. He turned the television off. He had no stomach. I work as a security guard, so I have to keep pretty fit, and, well, I must admit: I'm not a bad looker: but I just can't seem to have any luck with chicks. Not that I don't try, I regularly have girlfriends, but never very serious relationships.That all changed on one fateful day. My friend of many years, Kevin, had to go on a business trip to some way-out-there little tropical island. He was an expert on natural disasters, earthquakes in particular, and something in the area had been reported. Field mice twisted and stretched inside his belly, and his gaily-coloured kilt swung happily in the breeze once more. The ponies were let out in the field for longer during the day, their hooves creating a quagmire of the boggy land, and they started to pay him more attention than they ever had before. Lulled by the soothing sounds of the sea, he was often in a daydream world as the ponies galloped towards him, splattering his long john-covered legs in mud and horseshit. It was a game for them,. ?"I laughed, but carefully avoided directly answering her. "As I said, Mama, I'm a homo sapien."Daddy slapped me hard upside my head, "Boy, why you go confusing your Mama like that? That ain't funny."I smiled, "Sorry, Mama, just teasin' with ya."Mama said a quick, "Thank you, Lord," while Daddy shot me a warning look. "We better not have any queers in this house!"And with that threat, I got up from the table and headed outside to mow. It was a successful test, showing me I can't ever - and I.
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