“Both choices are worthy of note, chef informs me, sir”, I told Dawes.“Lamb chops for me, Jeeves.”Mrs Dawes and Catherine both plumped for the...curry, and I departed with the orders. I half expected Dawes to quiz me about my statement, but he had correctly decided that food came first.Afterwards, I reported on my statement, reassuring him that I had declared no knowledge of any forgery attempt or intention on his part. He was visibly relieved, which I thought unnecessary, so I added, “I am. Stop trying to downplay your features into Rosie O’Donnell’s Mexican left buttcheek with that pathetic makeup job.”“What do I have to do to shut you two the hell up?”“Go to Sephora,” Addie said, dropping her empty yogurt cup into a trash can as she passed it. She’d finished it in like five minutes.So we went to fucking Sephora.The girls bought close to four hundred dollars worth of makeup with my credit card and then forced me down into a chair to have one of the makeup artists do my makeup. "Chosen for me? How did these two get in? And who was the other one by the window?"Look," she went on, still with an edge of irritation in her voice, "I've sorted things out for you. This is the right one. The one with the right name." She pushed the figure forward into a shaft of light coming through the other window - and the figure was a corpse! I could smell it now and see sodden putrefying flesh beginning to peel from its face. I knew I wasn't dreaming. This was all too real - too. “On who? Who are their names? Do we need to invite them over for a threesome?” She joked back. I, like probably every man out there, hoped that when my girlfriend made that joke it really wasn’t a joke.By now my pants were down – I go commando by the way – and my shirt was having it’s last button undone as we fell onto the couch, her under me. I started to kiss down her neck, then just above her breasts as she pulled my shirt completely off.“Have you missed me?” she asked.“Every night. Have you.
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