It is a good habit to break the conversation before the girl does. So I told her that if she finds me a close confidant, then she should mail me whene...er she feels like, and I hung up the conversation.After an hour or so, my message inbox pinged. I could see Akshika’s number in my inbox. She needed me more than I needed her, I presumed that! I could see her beauty in the display picture of the instant message portal. I could hardly believe my luck, she was an exquisite beauty!We planned for a. After Kafka, Flaubert and Plato I felt obliged to wadeinto the Russians. I don’t think I ever finished one andafter all these years I only remember how long it tookcarriages to get our aristocratic hero from the gates of hisestate to the front door of the house. But I do rememberreading an introductory essay on Ivan Turgenev that toldme that at fifteen (my age) a kitchen maid was sent by hismother to his room to initiate him in the ways of love. Ifound this a transfixing thought. I was. " I hoped you loved me," my mother said into my shoulder, "But was afraid to ask, for fear of finding you didn't. You said it often enough, apparently sincerely, but I've grown so cynical..."She stopped, too emotional to continue, and I stroked her back, murmuring comforting nonsense as she regained control of herself."I felt bad about his death, and blamed myself in part, but I blamed his weakness as well, almost in self defense. I wasn't in love with him, though I could have been if we'd. .. Every time we made eye contact, she lit up like a child on Christmas morning. My initial thought was that she was the antithesis of Desdemona, my Russian, short-term, girlfriend. Everything that you noticed about Desdemona, was opposite with this Barbara. Where Desi was honey colored, with sultry, dark, flashing eyes, the women in front of me was fair, with bright, blue, eyes full of fun and merriment. Where Desi was slender to the point of skinny, I was looking at a woman whose curves were.
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I sat down on the edge of his bed, and eased myself back until my head was leaning against the wall above his headboard. He followed my slow movements
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